Rate 1-0! Tell whats good and bad! 1st chp. I might post the 2nd becasue its better.?

It needs a lot of work. First off, There means over there. Their is the word you want when you are using the possessive. You need a lot of work with sentence structure, punctuation, spelling et al. I give this about a 4. Add 1 or 2 if you fix it up. Pax - C